For someone who is missing the gene of Sports and physical activity in general, fun things should be made taboo. Not that I'm unwilling to square dance or do the limbo dance. I simply should not be allowed to because I'm generally kinesthetically challenged, and for 48-hours post physical activity, I can feel every tendon, muscle, ligament and bone joint in my body. Little wonder, then, that it hurts even when I yawn and laugh, after ALL that limbo dancing I did during the Literature Fest "Jabberwocky" in college.
I tend to be slightly attention seeking at all times but I didn't know that I could limbo dance quite like that. I didn't, in my wildest dreams, guess that I'd go so low (literally) to get someone's attention! Not to mention I received certain un-subtle comments about my "flexibility". For all those who took the liberty to ask me, or rather TELL me how I achieved my "flexibility", at least pray that the right guy noticed!
I digress.
*ahem*
As I was saying, physical activity is not for me, no matter how much fun it tends to be, because the biggest and most annoying consequence of it is that it tends to advance my period. Body pain, foul mood, cramps and wanting to curl up in fetal position is a highly undesirable combination. The realization of an empty uterus and a soft placenta that MY BLOOD made, ripping away from my insides and "that-womanly-feeling" further adds to the frustration. I may sound slightly dramatic here but it tends to put a lot of things in perspective:
I tend to be slightly attention seeking at all times but I didn't know that I could limbo dance quite like that. I didn't, in my wildest dreams, guess that I'd go so low (literally) to get someone's attention! Not to mention I received certain un-subtle comments about my "flexibility". For all those who took the liberty to ask me, or rather TELL me how I achieved my "flexibility", at least pray that the right guy noticed!
I digress.
*ahem*
As I was saying, physical activity is not for me, no matter how much fun it tends to be, because the biggest and most annoying consequence of it is that it tends to advance my period. Body pain, foul mood, cramps and wanting to curl up in fetal position is a highly undesirable combination. The realization of an empty uterus and a soft placenta that MY BLOOD made, ripping away from my insides and "that-womanly-feeling" further adds to the frustration. I may sound slightly dramatic here but it tends to put a lot of things in perspective:
(A)
Not only do you know FOR SURE that you're not pregnant, which reminds you that indeed you got no action this past month, you have to deal with the excess of (un-catered to) hormones, worry about the resultant pimples on your face and mull over the "Baby-name-of-the-season" that your mind has taken a fancy to (This time, it's 'Rainer', a nice sounding German name for my non-existent baby boy. God save my soul).
(B)
You have to curl up in bed and face the fact that even your beady eyed teddy bear is an annoying mass of nothing and have an imaginary conversation with the man it stands for.
(C)
You have to let some memories dawn on you, sickeningly- "Ooooh! Let's do lunch tomorrow! You tell me where, I'll be there. Blah, blah, blah, blah". (Why won't I keep my big mouth shut? Why? WHY?).
And then you have to tell that nice boy you like that you can't do lunch because of excessive limbo dancing and "woman problems".
I don't think I need to explain why I need an early menopause but I must tell you how many advantages it has got!
1. No reproduction issues: It's good for the planet! With the kind of population explosion there is, I might as well adopt a baby girl if I fancy (thus permanently putting an end to the argument with my mother about why my horoscope says that I can only have boys). I'll probably obsess less about stupid German baby names and by the time I'm ready to have kids, they'll probably come up with some stem cell solution if I want "my own biological" baby. If you ask me, the menstrual cycle should become an evolutionary redundance. I think we have enough people to last quite a few generations. And then we can deal with the stem cell mumbo-jumbo.
2. I can limbo dance all I like and not get my period early and therefore not want to curl up and die.
3. Menopause does not diminish sex drive, apparently (and unfortunately). Which is good in a way. But if it doesn't work out for me, I can pretend not to know this little fun fact, give up hopes on men and boyfriends in general and FINALLY do my CIAs on time!
4. I won't have to take medication for pain relief and I won't have to risk being addicted to them.
5. I won't have to run to the loo one thousand times and wake up all night no matter how XXXL the wings may be.
6. I can buy a nice pair of shoes with the amount of money I save on sanitary pads. Fuck it. IMAGINE THE NUMBER OF BOOKS I CAN BUY! :
If one of my aunties read this post (and I sincerely hope they don't! Mami needs no other Mami, thank you!), they may come back and tell me "What kandraavi is this? You are only twenty years old, no? You will not get menopause and all right now only. When will you have children then? And if you have any problem why not use Stayfree? It is very good, I am telling you! Non-sense and all don't write, ammadi. The black bra post is funny, but. We are also modern and open minded only"
As a Mami in the making, I'd like to add that it is I who can do full justice to the definition of "modern and open minded" (I think. I am still not well adjusted to eight year olds talking about their "boyfriends". In plural, yes.) and I do have a problem which is why I'd like to STAY FREE. Thank you!
And in case y'all think I can't hit an early menopause because I'm only 20, I'd like to let you know that I'm not worried. I come in close contact with a certain iron-willed post menopausal woman every week who will surely lead me in the right direction to it.
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